Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Lack of Parent Teacher Conferences

We got out of school early and everything. I'm supposed to be meeting with student's parents this afternoon to discuss their amazing attitudes, stellar grades, fulfilled potentials and beaming personalities right? Well I don't even have the opportunity to tell a whopper of a lie like those because none of my parents showed up. Two whole half days (weird word use there)and only a couple of parents came; the parents of the students who are doing really well in my classes. (Coincidence?) Some were out of town, some were sick, some just didn't come, either way it is so frustrating. It just really sheds yet another sad and exasperating light on the whole impossible situation out here, so lets all just give up on the kids already and get the party started.

You, me and all parents and teachers out there, let's just let them not do work, not come to school on time, not try at anything and reward them for doing such too! I say we should only watch MTV in class. Then after 1st period MTV watching (bumping and grinding are encouraged), they will go to 2nd Period: "How to continually be depressed forever" class where they really learn how to cement themselves in a cycle of eternal sadness and negative actions towards others. 3rd period will obviously be set aside for sleeping and or leaving school to cause trouble in town before LUNCH where we will feed the students only pop tarts and energy drinks. They will, of course, have to use and dispose of at least one styrofoam tray per pop tart and only drink their pop from styrofoam cups to make sure that the environment gets it's butt kicked in the process as well. Trays and cups can be thrown into the street or burned out back with the other garbage. Then we will forbid them from doing physical activity and make them eat strawberry flavored lard from a bucket to ensure their physical well being. 4th period will be comprised of Advanced fashion and brand name enslavement, extra credit opportunities will be given for successful arguments for what type of Aberchrombie and Fitch top is the best or why HURLEY is the brand that is the "sickest." Then 5th period we can dive deep into philosophy and art by watching "High School Musical" and other epic works of contemporary teen driven art (more pop tarts and cola). 6th period will be devoted to writing on desks, in books, and general school facility destruction including a discussion on the proper technique for placing gum under desk and how to creatively carve your name in back of a desk.
Our school has 7th and 8th period . 7th period will simply be used for students to go around and belittle, batter and punch their teachers in the nose while also telling them that they are old. 8th period conveniently coincides with Total Request Live (TRL) on MTV so the students will naturally be allowed to go home only if they maliciously step on a helpless baby animal (provided by the cafeteria), say a racially or gender insensitive comment to another student (must be younger), eat a candy bar (king size), smoke a cigarette (unfiltered and provided by the school nurse) and slap their grandmother (any elderly person will do). If they are unable to complete these steps (their homework) then they will be given 1oo dollars and a large mechanized metal vehicle with two speeds: reverse and peel out. There will also be a MP3 player in the 2 ton motorized death machine that only plays Linkin Park, Incubus, Creed, Young Jeezy and the new Ciara cd at full volume (with subwoofers).

In this new and improved system of education we can put them and America on the fast track for success and well being.

Yes can't you imagine it? A wonderful new America. No responsibility, plenty of junk food and all kinds of amazing music. Gosh, I can't wait to get started. Whatever.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Artist and Phrase of the Week

Artist of the week: The one the only JAMES BROWN! Any of his music at all. I'm sorry but you really need to get on the good foot uh!

Old geezer phrase of the week: "I'll be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail." Try busting this one out in everyday life on someone and watch their head snap around as they say what the heck did you just say?

Please respond if you have attempted to use any of these old phrases in your life and the result of doing such. Also is anyone listening to any awesome music lately? Feel free to use this blog to tell others about what music is ruling your world right now! You can comment by clicking the comment button below.

I'm BACK y'all!

Hey My Friends! Holy guacamole its been a while. I'm sorry I have disappeared off the radar for a week or so. One of the disadvantages of living on an island in the Bering Sea is that when the Internet goes out it may take weeks for it to get fixed. So its working again and I can tell you how great it is to hear from all of you.

I am so pumped that people are interested in the Alaskan life up here. When I got internet back tonight I had 45 emails to respond to and like 10 new blog comments. Big up to yourselves, Respect to you all for caring!

Lot's to say because it has been a crazy week. First and foremost, my Grandfather Lin Wicks Sr. passed away. I had a very real pit in my stomach when I left that something like this might happen before I came home for Christmas. Now that it has I realize the power of thoughts yet again. I will write more about my grampa in blogs to come, but for now I would just simply like to say Grampa I'll miss you. I'm sure you're up there cracking jokes with the creator and flirting with angels. I also know that you and Grandma are probably playing at the most awesome Indian Casino heaven has to offer together. Every time I blow my nose I remember the fart noise you used to make when you blew mine as a child. Hal, Lin, Steve, Chris, Brianna, Casey, Jordan, Beth and many others know exactly what I'm talking about. We'll have to that for ourselves now.

What else is going on? Well I've learned something about life up here. The absence of things makes their reappearance so appreciated and epic. Not having internet to keep in touch, gain resources for teaching, use for football scores, get new music, blog, or anything has made me worried about my emotional ties to the internet. I did not realize how important it was in my life up here. On one hand I had to go back to the old way. Do you remember that? Life without internet. I had a simple week. I can't lie, my life was a lot less complex. But, sometimes I think a simple life is impossible and possibly very boring. So now that I got the world wide web back lets tear some **** up. Maybe I needed a break, Its 9:20 on a Saturday night and I feel like I just got shot out of a cannon. I have something to do! Idle hands do the devils work. I think that's true but if the work I did this week was for the Devil than he can't be that bad because I did a lot of good stuff.

Next, if you have requested a copy of "I Need Life" I am working on it. Can you be patient? It is hard going burning them one by one and my post office has quirky hours. Also, they are going to run out of acceptable types of packages to send them in so I'll have to be resourceful.

I'm probably going to do another post later tonight, I like writing at midnight.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Artist and Phrase of the Week

Musical Artist of the Week: Blue Turtle Seduction "Deep Sea Rodeo"
They are this awesome rock/bluegrass/funk band from Lake Tahoe. I recommend their cover of R Kelly's "Ignition" to start off any good weekday...especially Friday

Old School Phrase of the Week: "Wise Acre"

Since I'm a teacher I can't cuss, "Wise Acre" is a very good substitute for "Wise A**"
Good uses include "Your such a little wise acre, don't be such a wise acre, or I'll get you, you little wise acre you!"

Sunday, October 21, 2007


Its getting to be that part of the experience up here in Alaska where memories set in. I seem to have the thoughts frequently throughout the day. Maybe its because of the music. Songs have such a powerful effect on the memory. Its not like a movie or even a photograph. A song can bring up a hole host of memories for which that song was present during your life. I thought I might be able to explain some of the these songs and their memories for me.
When I hear James Brown "I feel Good" I remember riding in the backseat of the family subaru listening to the "Good Morning Vietnam" soundtrack and singing every lyric with my brother.
When I hear Radiohead "Kid A" I remember the countless nights driving my own Subaru around Gig Harbor on weekends with my friends looking for something to do. Usually ended up at AMPM to get energy drinks and .99 cent chicken sandwiches.
When I hear Flowmotion "Wild Eyes" I remember the countless shows where I sang that song at the top of my lungs with my favorite friends.
When I hear David Gray "Babylon" I remember specific nights spent with certain girls.
When I hear Jack Johnson at all I get taken directly to summer, pick one.
When I hear Xavier Rudd or John Butler Trio I remember laying on Trinity Beach in Australia with my friends and jumping in the waves.
When I hear Yonder Mountain String Band I think about the String Summit and High Sierra and hammocks.
When I hear Dave Matthews Band I think about being at Younglife functions feeling out of place.
When I hear Daft Punk "Better Harder Faster Stronger" I remember senior prom at Emerald Downs begging the DJ to play it so that Sean, Morgan, Rainen, Roshni, Emily, Duggan and I could dance to at least one good song at our prom.
When I hear Metallica "Enter Sandman" I think of the football locker room right before a Friday night kick off.
When I hear Belle and Sebastian I remember laying on the floor at Rachel's house feeling awakened and etherial.
When I hear Queen "Bohemian Rhapsody" I think of my old room in the 105th St. House.
When I hear Nirvana "Smells like teen spirit" I think of Middle School Dances where the Principal shut the song off to discourage moshing.
When I hear "Regulators" by Warren G and Nate Dogg I think of riding the Baseball team bus home from an away came.
When I hear Michael Franti I remember a roadtrip from Cairns to Townsville with my Ozzie friend Heath in Queensland.
When I hear Van Morrison I feel like I'm in love just for a little moment.
When I hear Jimmy Buffet I think of house sitting on Salmon Beach.
When I hear that spanish song "Gasolina" I remember New Years Eve in Valpraiso watching the fireworks destroy the sky with my brother and Bodega.
When I hear Bon Jovi (which is hopefully rarely) I remember Cougar football Saturday for some reason.
When I hear Bob Dylan I think of what possibility there is out there.
When I hear the Beatles I want to throw up.
When I hear The Dead "Uncle John's Band" I wish I had an "Uncle John"
When I hear "The Weight" by the Band I feel it.
When I hear "Goin' Up the Country" by Canned Heat I think of Woodstock.
When I hear "I've had the time of My Life" I think of Dirty Dancing and how under no circumstances do you ever, ever, ever put baby in the corner.
When I hear Kylie Minogue I think of washing dishes with Mason in our Oak St. apartment.
When I hear Jimi Hendrix I think of my Dad playing guitar on Sunday mornings.
When I hear Elton John I think of my Mom driving in her car.

So many songs have ruled my life. Songs are what I want to remember. Do you have any songs that evoke specific memories in your life? You should comment on this blog about it. Maybe its a song that reminds you of something we did. Maybe its a song that reminds you of something happy or heartbreaking. Either way let me know. Someday you wonderful people who read this will actually answer. And for all of you who already do I expect certain songs from you so you better deliver. Goodnight!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

What a week

I got a whopper of a time going on out here on the island. Regardless of the reasoning behind it, I decided what it is about teaching that makes educators such hardcore superstars. When I teach sometimes I feel like a failure, sometimes I feel like a savior, either way I feel something. Which, in the end, is how they say "Worth the sauce." On the failure days I want to disintegrate into sand. On the savior days I want to beam light across the world. On the days when both happen within a moment of each other I want to turn my head to the sky and scream "MAKE UP YOUR MIND UP THERE!" I thought we were supposed to be hitting our stride ride about now. I think the pink cloud is finally gone and the bubble has burst.

I remember two distinct moments in preparing to become a teacher. The first one was when I saw the previous years Master's Teachers at my university after the end of their student teaching. They looked so hardcore. They looked like they just survived hellfire and now they are dazed, bewildered and changed soldiers. After I finished my student teaching I walked around like I wore the posture of a salty vet coming back from the jungle. I looked a new younger teacher right in the eye as they sat at Master orientation and we had the same moment. They knew by the look in my eye that it wasn't a pretty pretty tea party out there.

It wasn't until new teacher inservice that I saw the look again. This time it was more hardened and more intense. The second year teachers came into inservice on the last day. They had the look. They were nice and sweet and at the same time a bunch real hard mothers (shut yo' mouth!) Unlike the last warriors I saw returning from their first firefight in student teaching, these soldiers were different. The second year teachers wore a different look. They wore a look of desperate intensity. They were still human but the type of human that had gone through 3 mental tours of duty in education Vietnam. I remember one teacher was wearing rubber boots and a cuspuq (native local hooded sweatshirt dress thing, they're really cool). She was as nice as a Georgia peach but you could tell she was survivor. Those rubber boots weren't for show. She might as well have been wearing a camo helmet, a canteen and black paint on her face.

Am I being dramatic? No, I don't think so. When you have those moments in your own practice that put you through a booby trap ambush of napalm and landmines you know where that look comes from. I just know that I can't wait to give the newbies, fresh meat and greenhorns "the look" at inservice next year. I also can't wait to see the third years. Will they be sporting fu manchu's? Will they have soft pack cigarettes rolled up in their sleeves. Will their black issue rubber boots still shine? Will they have crazy warfield codenames like "Pit Viper" or "Jackson?" Will they have gravelly voices that boast of their triumphs and fall silent at their demons? I don't know but I'm thinking about my "War" name already though. I got one all picked out. You won't know it until you see me in person.

Monday, October 15, 2007

The new album is hitting the first recipients!

Some people got their brand new "I Need Life" album today in the mail! You can have your very own copy if you simply email me with your address. I've already started on a side project cd. It's a creepy dance album mixed with Nintendo game sounding melodies and I've decided to call the fake group Humphry GoCart and the Casablahblah's. You better put in a request for "I need Life" before you get behind! I've sent albums to several people, Brooke yours is coming, and I know of a bunch of people that need to have it so here is a list of people that I could conceivably imagine I want to have it off my head (if I leave you out don't think you shouldn't get one its just real late and I forgot). Steve W. Brianna and John, Randy and Germany, Wilfredo, Manoah, Gramps, Pam and Roger, (Insert any Random relative I have forgotten), Brett O., Mason, Jeff, Mary and Bree, (if you found my blog from myspace), Various Boeing friends of Mark Iverson, Various Allstate friends of Susan Iverson, various WSU friends of Halbert Halverstein Iversonious Iversberg, Leslie, Derek and Rachel, Seanzarelli, Dooooogan, Sharon, Matt S., Sam and any other festival friends that may read this. I can send out about 19 more albums before I need a new shipment of burnable cd's. That is if you want the album art and lyrics and a real Kale Iverson signed bootleg record that started his path towards stardom as a long haired leaping gnome (thank you Dad and Eric Burden and War for inspiration). Ok I need to go to bed, but seriously I just want to share some free music with you that I made in a month and a half in my living room in a Eskimo Village in the Bering Sea without being able to read music. Even if you've been too wussy to even comment on my blog, (for which you need to grow a set of marbles), you should jump at the chance to make contact through email which is safe and discreet, don't assume I have your address. Even if I do I'm not just going to send them out like that creepy guy who made the "Wild Animus" book and cd. Just ask me for a copy and I'll give it to you. If you already have a copy BURN IT for anyone you want. I don't care as long as people are rocking out to it okey dokey? Yes siree Bob its free to all. Have a good night and
I'm waiting for you waiting for me waiting for the next big show. Peace all that gobbley gook.

Monday Monday

Man, Monday's are so freaking Mondayish. Thank goodness for Etta James and her song "All I could was cry." If you can pack more soul into a voice than hers I doubt it. Is it ok to have a crush on someone that is dead? Well have a good week and get some Etta James so your life will be improved. Okey Dokey?
I'm going to start an Artist of the week as a feature of my blog. It will be who I am really diggin' this week.

Artist of the Week #1: Etta James (The Essential Discs 1 and 2)
Last week: Madeleine Peyroux

Old Grampa Phrase of the week: Yes Siree Bob
Last week: Okey Dokey

Have a good week and try to use "Yes siree Bob" in a sentence while listening to Etta James for double the points.

What do you think?

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Okey Dokey

By the way what does "okey dokey" mean? I don't know but I sure appreciate that I live in a world where people say "okey dokey." You should say it in casual conversation tomorrow and next week. It feels good to say "okey dokey". Do I have to put parenthesis around "okey dokey" every time I type it? Well that's friggin' annoying. No more of that bologna. Back to okey dokey. I suggest that if you are going to say okey dokey in daily life don't do it half assed. Mean your okey dokies. When someone asks you if you can do something for them or if you understand say "okey dokey." A nice accent to the okey dokey is a thumbs up. The okey dokey with the thumbs up can come of as shmucky, hammy, and Ned Flanders ish if done with to much gusto, so play it cool dadio. Just let it roll off the tongue. Say it. Ohhkey dohhkey. If you are afraid to bust out the full fledged okey dokey with bonus thumbs up maneuver try on its less flamboyant predecessor, the "okey doke" with an the ok sign. That's the one where you touch your pointer finger to your thumb and splay your three remaining fingers out like peacock feathers. The amount of emphasis you put on the finger splaying can help regulate the intensity of the ok sign. It is a safer maneuver but ultimately doesn't give the person being okey doked the full effect and assurance that a heartfelt thumbs up can provide. Now, I know some of you are thinking what the sweet lord is Kale talking about okey dokies for? Well I'm bringing them back. You should to. There are a lot of things I want to bring back. They are these old time sayings that I remember from my childhood that no one says anymore. I am working for the preservation of "Granmpa Like" sayings in American English. You know what old people are more than just wrinkly and hard of hearing. They are walking vessels that carry the ancient relics of our language and our hearts. I think that its a common fact that the elderly rule. The problem I have is that I look around me at the people my age. The people coming out of the 80's. The people who grew up with "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch blasting out of boomboxes in the 90's. What language are we going to be spouting off in our twighlight years to the youngins? Probably Borat and Bill and Ted's quotes. I will probably be wondering around shopping markets going up to strangers and saying in a weary voice "Wayne's World, Wayne's World, party time excellent." I mean by that time okey dokies and thumbs ups will be gone. Probably replaced by smiley faces like this => :) I mean what the fig Newton is that? I am here to say that I want to pass on the old time sayings not "Dude, that's so tubular" or "let's get krunk in da club" or the ever popular "Aight" the alright hybrid. I say okey dokey as a personal stand in time. I say okey dokey to keep alive a simpler, purer language. A language where saying a "Dabgummit" is an acceptable substitute for blasphemy. A language that will be lost if we don't keep our thumbs pointing toward the sky. I say slap your knee when you laugh. I say wear suspenders. I say watch PBS. I say that you should say and we all should say okey dokey. Can you do that for me? ...what do you say?...I can't see your thumbs.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Murky Mind

The late night is the best time for slow thoughts. Its that time before sleep where my mind is murky with thought and possibility of sleep. I once again have to coax myself towards the subconscious journey of dreams or the dark thoughtless void of unconscious shutdown. I wonder about things. I wander through the day and the one to come. Tomorrow I will fly to Bethel. It will be last voyage from the rock until Christmas. These next months will bring the cold. These next months will bring the true test of loneliness. But for now I am weary and tired. So until I return, consider your days a gift and your dreams a foretelling of the future. Goodnight.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

The Album Is Done.

I just finished my album, "I Need Life" today. Finally. I can burn the cd and send you a copy complete with track listing, full set of lyrics and a album cover art if you like. I just need your address. Please email it to me at kaleiverson@hotmail.com if you would like one. It is not a professional album, I made it on the Garageband sound editing equipment for Macs. But, in my professional opinion it kicks ace. I would simply love to share it with you and see what you think. It took two months after school to make and I'm pretty pumped with the finished product. All of the songs were made up on the spot except for "Mountain Air" which I wrote shortly before I moved here. I can't play any of the songs now so don't ask me over Christmas. I don't care if you've never met me or think I would never send an album to you. I will if you send me your address. I will be sending it out to several people who I know the address of. If you doubt that I have it or just want to remind me that you would like a copy email me anyway. I hope to hear from you soon whoever you are and I look forward to sending you a copy that was heavily influenced by Bob Dylan, Citizen Cope, Paul Simon, Michael Franti and the lonely lonely state of Alaska.

Lyrics to the song "Can you please tell me" from my album "I Need Life"

I was wondering what the reason for all this might be.
I mean, Is there really a meaning to all this insanity?
I mean, how much space really divides you and me?
I mean, how much space really separates our reality?
Please tell me if you know. I don’t think you do.
Please tell me if you think you know the truth.
Please tell me if you think you gotta handle of what’s goin’ on.
Cuz, I really don’t think you do and I don’t think you don’t.
Please tell me if you know what it feels like to cross to the other side of things and see things from someone else’s eyes.
I don’t really know if I have before myself.
But I know if I could I would and I know I would be a man full of wealth.
Can you please tell me if you know what’s going on.
Cuz I don’t think you do and I don’t think you don’t.
Can you please tell me if you are just a jack of spades because I think that is just the way it goes.

Freestyle: It’s not that easy to write a song and just speak from your heart and make it up as you go along. Sometimes you gotta do that because scripts are just that, they are scripted. And then you think it out you might change the thoughts instead of letting it out like the air rushing from the end of a balloon at a birthday party. And well, I don’t know where this is going cuz I never really planned it out. But I’m pretty sure that if I just keep on spitting it, it will be getting a little bit better. Cuz there are times in your life where you’re wondering where its all going and I know, and I know, and I know what that feels like. And I always have, always will. Man I Don’t really know how you feel. But I know that we’re all the same. We are just pawns in someone else’s game. I don’t want to be the king though, that’s a lot of responsibility. Oh no, sitting there can only move one space at a time. Rather be a rook or a bishop. Rather be a horse thing. I don’t even give a crap about names of such things because...

Can you please tell me, do you know what’s goin’ on?
Cuz I don’t really care if you do or you don’t.
Can you please tell me if you think you know where it all leads to.
Because I don’t think you really do.
Why you telling other people?
Why you telling me?
Why you telling little children?
Why you telling old ladies, old men?
Old people just want to hear a friend tell em’ how it goes.
That’s a big problem cuz nobody knows.

Song Lyrics to "That would be Impossible" from my album.

I’m not even gonna tell you that I’m sorry I’m not even gonna say I’m seein' you soon, “I’m seein’ you soon.”
I’m not even gonna try to explain these truths to you.
But, I will say my friend I love and I always have.
I not gonna try to catch the bus down your way.
I’m not gonna make a fuss any way.
It’s just been a long time since I’ve seen your face.
Sometimes I feel like I left without a trace.
I’m not even gonna try to explain what its like here.
GOING ON AND ON JUST LIKE THIS SONG and then I whistle for a little.

Lyrics to the Title track of my upcoming underground Album "I Need Life"

I need this life to slow down now.
I need this life to course through me.
I need this life.
I need some life to course through these veins.
I need your thoughts to come through.
I need you to come through to me.
I need life.
I need sometimes.
I need to see the light.
I need you tonight.
So it goes, so it goes.
To and fro to and fro.
I need you tonight.
I need life.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


Rainbows are cool no matter what people say. You just have to stop and say "Hey look a rainbow!"

"Always respect your superiors...If you have any." - Mark Twain

I don't mean to steal quotes from people, but this one is especially pertinent to my situation as a teacher. Chew on this sweet little nugget for today day. Thanks Twain.

Monday, October 1, 2007

In the future...

One time at WSU I was watching a young, sweet, un tainted Howie Day play a song with a looping machine and his guitar. The only words to the song were "In the future, packages will be sent to distant worlds through beams of light." Do you think that is possible? I was also thinking that we find ancient scrolls and tombs and crap with writings and drawings and everything all the time. We try to decipher them and understand them but we'll never really know what the people who made them are like or what they were really thinking. It makes me wonder about the internet. In thousands of years (assuming we ever make that far as a species) what if some archaeologist types find computer, server, hard drive remains, boot them up and surf the internet like an ancient Egyptian cave. I mean really, the internet is beyond my comprehension anymore. Blogging, MP3's, Email, the whole things is like another dimension. I think it is well established enough now that if everything were to go down the toilet someone could conceivably find all our stuff, fix it and look at it like an artifact someday. If that is the case what if they find this blog? Holy guacamole! What if some future archeo-dude is reading this with a future contraption and its totally freaking him out? That is awesome! I'm freaking out a dude in the future right now! It could be a chick too though. OR A WHOLE TEAM OF THEM! Dusting off a laptop or something. Well, if thats the case, I better say something important right. Wrong. Whatever future dude, chick or team. Quit living in the past. Live in the now! Anywho, I hope the future is rad. And, like in the movie Back to the Future, I really hope they have hover board skateboards.
to view my other blog OUT OF THE CLOSET ATHEIST click HERE