Monday, November 30, 2009

Lights or the World

Street lights
Shining down on the pavement
Channeling everything
From far away

The World is falling
So am I
Got no raincoat
For these gray skies

Boat Lights
In the Puget Sound
Birds are Migrating
Down South

The World is stalling
So am I
Got no ignition
In these old eyes

Porch Lights
Showing my front door
Inside my home
It is nice and warm

The World is calling
So am I
Got no microphone
In these sighs

see post below for a life update on your favorite bearded person beside Santa

Complications of Leisure

I'm so sorry I haven't been able to post for a while. I still don't have regular internet access and life has been, well, complicated lately. Analysis below.

Long long ago I posted something about orbitals, basically how when you attract people into your life and as they orbit around you and you around them you have to give up part of your energy to maintain the relationship. The more people around your life the more your energy is divided. I'm feeling divided. Lately, I've been struggling to make time for everyone in my life. This boggles my mind because I think back to how many people/friends/family/coworkers/colleagues and acquaintances I had before I left for Alaska and how exhausted I was trying to keep up with them then. Now that I've returned it once again becoming difficult to satisfy all the people who are requiring time from me despite the fact that I have less orbitals nearby than ever before.

One thing that is becoming a thorn in my side as well is that I'm slowly becoming more sick of substitute teaching. Actually I kind of hate it all of a sudden. Once I realized that I have to work 4 or 5 days a week to break even for the month and that I can't just skip through life being a part time sub it kind of pissed me off. I've seriously enjoyed all the free time that subbing provides and now that I have to start subbing more and tutoring after school to make ends meet its only going to cut more time out of my time with people. Leisure time is difficult.

Then adding to that is the holidays. Mine were fantastic and more good times to come over Christmas. I got to see a lot of family, have two thanksgiving dinners and enjoy my first family turkey day in two years. Along with all of that catching up is the repeated question that relatives ask, "So Kale, what are you doing with your life these days?" That's when I get to explain that I'm a substitute teacher looking for work. Except I'm not. Basically I'm just a substitute teacher with no clue of how the hell I'm going to get a job. Each day that passes is another trip to another classroom of another school that I really don't want to work in. What to do...

One of the precedents I set this summer was that I was paying for lots of stuff (freely without wanting return) so that the group I was with could have a better time having fun and including everyone. I can no longer provide that service as the fat Alaskan paychecks have stopped coming months ago. Also I drove everywhere to see other people. With gas prices, my expensive car repairs of late and more upcoming I can't do that anymore either. Then it dawned on me. Why don't people come to me more often? By making myself so flexible and considerate I also made myself poor. Also, everyone thinks Tacoma is lame, but its not, its great. I wonder what would happen if I stopped visiting people. Who will come see me?

With the holidays coming I've decided to try an make the month of December one of moderation. More meals at home, less going out. More quiet time, exercise hopefully, arts and crafts, ukulele practice. You see I can't go all out because while all the salary teachers are off work on the holidays I'm simply not getting paid for two weeks. Then it dawned on me, what will I do this summer with no income...ah summer job yay.

I'm not necessarily bummed about my life, but I was on an awesome high and ass kicking crest of life for a couple months and now I feel like I'm coming down again. Hopefully my friends and family will help pick me up as sometimes I don't always do it for myself.

Also, my birthday is coming up and I don't know why turning 27 feels so old, but it does. I know its not but I traditionally don't really like my birthday because getting older really annoys me and depresses me the same way sundays do. Add to the fact that I'm stuck in my expensive small house till January 1st thus squashing chances of birthday, housewarming, and New Years Eve parties I realized its going to be a weird month that didn't live up to lots of expectations.

I will end with the good things though.

1.) My homemade christmas gifts are coming along splendidly.
2.) Ski Season is coming (next expensive habit I don't have time for)
3.) I will have some kind of birthday party and it will probably be really fun.
4.) I have a show coming up on the 18th and it should be really big with lots of opportunities to meet potential people to open for in the future.
5.) Flowmotion at the JET on friday was a fucking dance extravaganza and I got to see some good friends and get my booty shake on, just what I needed.
6.) Cougar football is over, no more weekly disappointment and embarrassment
7.) Being single still rocks.

I can't say I'll post again soon, just like my email, I only seem to get spam comments anymore and my motivation is dwindling. Maybe a little reader pick me up could help...wink wink.


Monday, November 16, 2009

Bummers and Booyas and New Songs For Yous Guys


Getting the word that I have to wait till January 1st to move into my new house with my new roommates. This means one more month of expensive rent.

Waking up to a flat tire on Sunday morning last week.

Cape Disappointment Park Ranger A-holes.

People Canceling requests for tutors.

SPAM Blog comments...grrr. I get so excited when I see "15 comments" only to realize no one actually commented they are all just medicine adds. What the Fudge?

The Cougars attempting to play football this weekend against UCLA but instead deciding to hold a large little girl's tea party on the field instead of actually trying to resemble a collegiate football team.

6 hour car rides (actually kind of fun this time).


The new issue of SPIN magazine featuring a great interview with Devendra Banhart and some amazing journalism on Wayne Coyne and behind the scenes with THE FLAMING LIPS.

Purchasing the new Richard Dawkin's Book "THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH." Can't wait to learn even more about evolution in action.

New albums coming out by Devendra Banhart, Flaming Lips, Tegan and Sara, Flowmotion and Massive Attack and Jay Farrar/Ben Gibbard (inspired by a Jack Kerouac book BIG SUR.

Writing Yet another effing song! I'm a machine right now.

Being Single. So nice.

Snails. They're radula. (did anyone get that joke?)

Metropolitan Market's $7.99 thanksgiving dinner box, addicted.

An upcoming show at the Beyond The Bridge Cafe again and knowing that I have at least 20 more minutes of previously unperformed material.

AND NOW FOR WHAT YOU ALL REALLY WANT! Some more song lyrics........probably not.


I like a hard bar stool
Beneath my back
I feel the weight of the world
I am a slow train
On a run away track
I am an oyster
Amongst the Pearls

And this feeling in my belly
It won't go away
And this shit they are selling
Is more than I'm willing to pay
All we really own
Are our memories of yesterday
And if I tell the truth
Even those are slipping away

I like the grip of the wheel
In my hands
I can feel
The river tame
I am the engineer
Of my plans
I am the player
Of the game


and one more for ya.


A part of me went missing
On a permanent trip
But most of me is wishing
For the sinking of the ship

Perilous Navigation
Lighthouse of the mind
Just have to be patient
And we will see what we will find

A lot of us keep on thinking
Just what really is the point
But the seagulls they are singing
Wings breaking at the joint


If you were left wanting
For something big and true
The mermaids are flaunting
In the surf and in the stew


"p.s. (what the part of the alphabet would sound like if q and r were removed.)"

Monday, November 9, 2009

Fall Music For Suggestion

I have been lucky to have access to some good fall music lately. Some of the people I would like to suggest to you as the final leaves of fall trickle to the ground are artists that seem to signify quiet reflection with acoustic guitars and lyrics from the soul.

First and foremost I am still rocking Joe Pug from last post. Except now I'm a little more obsessed. His awkward earthen delivery just begs for fall drives and quiet sunday morning house cleaning.

Secondly, Mason Jennings , on the Jack Johnson Brushfire records label, sings from a mid 30's father/husband perspective. His albums aren't over produced, his singing/talking style has a Lou Reed quality to it, and his subject content inspires reflection, light as well as heavy hearted thoughts and an over all sense of relaxation. I suggest the album "Use Your Voice" on headphones, darjeeling tea and sketchpad for this guy.

Third, no fall soulful contemplative list would be complete without Mr. Ray Lamontagne . The gravelly, soulful romantic singer songwriter is an essential of the fall mix. His newer album "Gossip in the Grain" is a great album but if you really want the kind of fall feel I'm going for "Trouble" really hits the spot. Lots and lots of this album are perfect for falling asleep in a cozy bed with the wind howling outside and someone to hold.

Even though I've mentioned it before, Bon Iver (who I discovered from Miss Larbage herself) is still on constant October/November rotation. This guy if you remember moved up into the woods alone and emerged with this little gem. Most of the lyrics are confusing and often unintelligible but the emotion and gritty naturalness shines through

I certainly could add more on these artist and suggest many others but I think that this is a short and sweet start, some other's I might toss on the list would be Joanna Newsom "The Sprout and the Bean," or Fleet Foxes, Jim Croce, Bob Dylan Bootleg Volume 1, and Woody Guthrie.

As for me my car got a flat on sunday, which I had to take off today to fix. My back is sore from raking leaves at Mom and Dad's homestead yesterday. And my wallet is recovering from two straight weeks of car trouble. At least I finally got paid my meager sub wages and also received my Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend to lessen the blow a little.

I'll leave you with yet more song lyrics from my last new song of late:

I don't believe in God,
Cuz its never been that real to me
Go on all you children
Believe your Stories
When I look around
Do you know what I see?

I see the birds and the bees
and the flowers in the trees
in Evo-lution
I see the fishes in the seas
and all the manatees
in Evo-Lution
I see you lookin at me
with those eyes green
in Evo-lution
natures revolution

Your skin might be black as night
Your hair might be snow white
We all depend on beams of light
and that's ok that's alright
cuz when I look around
do you know what I see?


We are just trying to get by
Like the birds in the sky
You are trying to survive
With your one and only life
When I look around
Do you know what I see?



Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Stars Say

Keep reading to understand the post title.

Sometimes I just write things because they fit my mood. Its finally the kind of fall in the puget sound we're used to, cold-ish, raining constantly, and dark as hell. Oh yes, this is the gloomy Washington you hear Californians talking about. I met a guy from South Carolina last night and he was like, "I can see my breath this isn't cool." But it is. If we didn't have this period of weather every Tom, Dick and Harry would move to Washington.

In other news the Freedom From Religion Foundation conference is in Seattle this weekend through Sunday. It sold out faster than any other city in the United States indicating that the Northwest is possibly one stronghold for freethinking people in America. I wish I could attend but matters are such that I can't. I do want to see some of the banners and billboards that they put up in town though. I'm especially humored by the "REASONS GREETINGS" one. I'm gonna use that. I also wish that I could go and support free thought and be among other people who aren't afraid to stand up for atheism in America.

I got my car back after a $2900 bill. Its running great with the new clutch and mostly overhauled engine, speedy, and strong like when I first bought it. Now we just need some snow so I can put the Sarge to its most prized use, destroying snow on the way to the mountain to go skiing. I love that I have a reason to love the rain seeing as how it brings yummy mushrooms to go and find but I'm starting to get that good old winter itch to hit the slopes. C'mon snow! I better go watch a Warren Miller Movie to quench my thirst.

What else? Hmmm. Well my friend Katie hooked me up with a bunch of music for my iPod last week. I've been inspired by some new artists that I haven't really listened to that much before. This guy Joe Pug has a really cool sound, sort of early Bob Dylan ish with a distinctly unique tremble voice. He kind of looks like a dork but then again so do I so who am I to judge. Check out the song "Hymn #101" there's a really good line in the song about the "Timber of my heart."

Also, in an attempt to prove that I actually have been writing new music and getting ready for my next gig at the end of the month I will close with some song lyrics from a new song called:

"The Stars Say"

I don't know what the moon says
about growing old
I don't know what the trees say
about what happens to your soul
All I know is that its hard enough
so don't bring me down, don't bring me down

Sometimes I get lost along the way
Sometimes I don't know just what to say
Sometimes I can make sense of the situation...yes I do
When I know that there's no explanation for people like you

I don't know what the stars say
about the loss of youth
I don't know what the wind says
about the cold truth
all i know is that it feels real
so don't let me down, don't let me down


I don't know what the snow says
about falling down
I don't know what the grass says
about being rooted to the ground
All I know is that I can love life
and you know I will, you know I will


And thats that for today, sorry no big insights or waves created but Its been a long hard week, time for some cougar football, family and friends.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

PDX, Dubstep, The Toothfairy and a Sick Subaru...yet still I've got good things.

Where to begin. Today was a frantic frustrating and expensive mess. But I'll get to that later. Now I want to talk all about Atheism...just kidding.

This weekend I again hung out with the power crew, Suzye, Lindsey, and Randy. (Last week we went up to Steven's Pass to an abandoned train tunnel to see a DJ called Novatron and to Spalunk and get Crunk). For All Hallow's Eve weekend we adventured to Portland for festivities and fun. I already love Portland but after this weekend I would consider moving there someday more seriously than I have before. Friday night we went and saw an amazing DJ called CASPA. He played a kind of electronic music that I had previously only heard about on the periphery of my musical tastings, a musical genre called DubStep. Now I can't explain it as well as wikipedia can but I can say that I danced till I fell over and the low syncopated two step bass sounds mixed with the scary and dark elements accompanied by analog and 8-bit synths was incredible. We all could agree it was a night to remember.

The following night we skipped around town visiting the Marriot Hotel, a small DJ show at a lounge and a very very large gathering at a house party where each floor was a different theme, hell, purgatory, and heaven (probably the only time I'll be in these imaginary places). This was all fine and good except that I was dressed up as the tooth fairy for Halloween and it was 35 degrees out. I had white tights, a tutu, a shirt with a superman/tooth on it, a white boa, fairy wings, a crown, glitter make-up, glitter tattoo's, a fairy wand, and pliers. Needless to say it as a rather frightening, funny, and freezing costume. Regardless of my constant chill we had a great time and made it back safely sunday night.

Monday I substituted at my favorite little middle school Baker out on 84th. The kids were kinda wild and the H1N1 had finally hit the teacher population so I officially won't be going to that school for a little while. Too bad too because I really like the down to earth-ness of this mostly underpriveleged school.

And then there is today. Oh today. I got up at 4:15am to take my friend Katie to the airport and about halfway down Ruston Way the temperature gauge on my Subaru started to climb. After pulling over, getting Katie a new ride, limping back to my house and then to the Bruce Titus Subaru in South Tacoma I sat for 5 hours waiting for a diagnosis on my sick subaru (lovingly named the Sarge). The final word was that the head gaskets blew and needed to be resealed and since its a whole engine removal job they are going to fix a whole lot of other stuff that either wise isn't usually fixed with out a lot of labor. All said and done, the repairs will be in the ballpark of $3000! I had to cancel my two day job at Wilson High School which will cost me money. I just couldn't let my Sarge ant Subaru die yet, when my old 92 Legacy finally died a few years ago, I wasn't ready to let her go either. I decided to invest in all these repairs because theoretically they should basically set this car up for another 100,000 miles of kicking ass. I hate to spend the money though, especially with Christmas coming, a big move in a month, and a job that pays shit.

Basically, I had what most people would call a shitty day. A really shitty day. The $3000 dollar shitty day. But somehow, even though I just lost a bungload of money, I am still not that upset. I think that when things like this happen during good times like I've been having a lot of people will let it get them down. I am not though, my life is on the up and up no matter what, I'm healthy again, I went jogging 5-mile drive yesterday (so sore), I'm working, I'm loving my family and my amazing friends, I'm writing new music finally (three songs last week!), I've started a new blog to help start a discussion about the need for freedom from religion, and I'm really starting to settle in and enjoy being single again and comfortable spending time alone at times. I have a show coming up in a few weeks at Beyond The Bridge Cafe again. I have a big move to a new place with good people.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a lot of good things around and going on. Tonight I'm going to play the Antique Sandwich Company open Mic Night for the second week in a row. (for Puget Sound Locals its from 7-10 on 90.9fm and I usually go on around 8-9).

I guess the only thing to do is leave you with some new song lyrics. I hope this blog post puts a truce bandage on all the Atheism/Religion wounds and restores a sort of equilibrium to this little online space. Have a great week!

a new song I wrote called "It Means What It Means."

I don't want to break you
I just want you to know
That I want everything
The best for us both

If it means that everything will change
If it means that we both get brand new names
If it means that things will stay the same
Well then it means what it means
Today, Today, Anyway

I don't know what to say
It never mattered much anyway
Go walk out the door
Like ya done one million times before

If it means that everything will change
If it means that we both get brand new names
If it means that things will stay the same
Well then it means what it means
Today, Today, Anyway

You can have the last word
Since you always do
I won't wait here forever
And neither should you

to view my other blog OUT OF THE CLOSET ATHEIST click HERE