Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Dodgeball

A rush of euphoria and satisfaction came over me today as I let go of the volley ball. I had done a full crow hop and had completely put everything I had into the throw, a perfect hurl. The ball left my hand like a rocket out of a cannon and flew across the gym at about three and half feet above the ground, a perfectly flat line of flight, backspin giving it a slight upwards tailing action. It was headed straight for a student who had been particularly lazy and whiny today. As the ball drilled into their hip and the look of instant defeat flushed their face I almost smiled...almost. I would have enjoyed the bliss that is destroying a student with a dodgeball longer, but there was still vermin to exterminate on the court.

One after another, students fell to the relentless onslaught of 65MPH plus dodgeballs being hurled at them from every imaginable angle and approach, without regard for their age discrepancy. I was a ninja. I was an assassin. When it comes to dodgeball, the heart of a venom filled poison half snake half lion beats inside of me (a snion?). Plainly put, I'm a stone cold killer on the dodgeball court.

BEWARE ALL WHO DEFY ME! You will have the "Wilson" sports company volley ball logo implanted on your puny, soft, teenage exoskeleton, and you probably deserve it.

Don't walk children...run...hide...I'm coming for you with a white missile with your name on it.

6 comments:

Susan Iverson said...

Oh, the image this conjures up. I used to see that look sometimes when Hal had gotten to your last nerve and you decided it was time to get back, kind of like when you threw the basketball at him, he moved, and it broke the window instead. Ah, such memories!

Anonymous said...

so im guessing that lazy and whiny student is me right?
mmhm.

Mr. Kale Iverson said...

Three things:

1st: Mom,for the record, Hal threw the basketball at me, but it makes sense that I get blamed for it 10 years later...hell I probably got blamed for it then, that cute little shit got away with murder.

2nd: anonymous student, I made this student up by lumping a combination of students into one. But you probably deserved it too...fess up, you know you drilled me with a couple too

and 3rd: This last anonymous comment was a good one, see original Anonymous Commenter, even a teenager can give away some sort of information that makes me not attack them...hope you're taking notes.

Randall H. Sloot said...

Man can I relate. I used to do Youth Strength Training at the Y and at the end we would occupy a racquetball court and have ourselves a good 'ol fashioned DOGEBALL! At some point being the "teacher" goes out the window and it's kill or be killed. A fascinating exercise in sociology. Fun as hell.

Anonymous said...

You are so related to Chris!!! I hate dodgeball....Chris loves it!!! He feels all answers can be answered via the movie Dodgeball!!! ;o)
Jen and the crazy crew

micah smith said...

Lmfao--that last sentence was hecka funny! haha. shoot.
sounds like a whole bunch of fun playing dodgeball! well maybe not for me butt it SOUNDS fun:)

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