Monday, February 23, 2009

Heartfelt Return, Immediate Frustration

I made it back this morning landing on sunny beautiful Mekoryuk. Ralph the maintenance man picked me up on the snowmachine due to heavy snow over the weekend covering the road. I was smiling and feeling warm and happy inside as we scooted across the vast tundra toward the tiny blips of houses on the horizon. It all seemed so surreal and wonderful and I was jumpy with anticipation of my return home. I always feel so good when I am on a snowmachine its a shame I don't own one.

As I walked through the school everyone seemed so generally over joyed to have me back. When I walked into my class my two junior high girls were working independently and very very hard. I didn't even notice the train wreck of the room. I was so proud of them. I ate lunch with the kids and they all were laughing and making light of my return. It was so nice. I felt like I was truly home...

But that lasted all of 45 minutes. Then they came crashing and hurdling into class after lunch. I tried to show them all the cool things I got them over break, tell them about some of the things I did, I had them do a short write explaining reflecting on how/what they did while I was gone, we self graded all the work they did in my absence and checked out some websites that we had neglected. They were going crazy, fidgeting, antsy, googley, some sleeping and all pretty frustrating, at one point a 19 year old student took out a marker and wrote on a freshman girls forehead. It was all fun and games because hey I just got back no big deal right?

So then I sent them off to Cup'ig for a period while I frantically tried to put my room back together. The kids absolutely tore it apart and completely ignored my personal/private teacher area. I keep finding more and more evidence of their intrusions. I scooted to the post office in time to get all my awesome valentines packages, some tax info and a very very cool valentines postcard. I was instantly cheered up for about 5 minutes until health class started.

We do yoga for health class on mondays. Apparently last week went so badly that the kids were totally blowing it off today. No one was focusing, everyone was laying around and goofing off. I was pissed off big time, not exactly the type of emotions that yoga is supposed to create I know.

Then in PE the kids were slightly better but by this time I was so frustrated and pissed by the craziness of my kids and the state of my class room that I couldn't calm down. I have been cleaning the room for an hour and a half and finally it resembles how I left it.

Every time I start to feel guilty about what could happen next year if I leave, I have a moment just like this where I also feel like just walking away. For kids that missed me so much as they said they certainly didn't act like it.

So here I am, travel weary, 13 lab notebooks to grade, lesson plans to be made, clothes to wash, taxes to do, online classes to finish, and special gifts to mail, Europe trips to plan, and I'm totally effing stressed as shit and I can't shake this feeling that the world is crashing down around me.

Its getting to the point where I can't neglect some of these things any longer. I need a vacation from myself. So I don't really know what I'm gonna do. I could go home and work on all these projects and really start to get my life on track


I could go home and make some of Sydney's special vanilla red tea she sent me, play some xBox 360, play some ukulele, and fall asleep watching the netflix I got in the mail while knitting and smelling my new superhit Nag Champa incense.

Hmmmm...WWMHD? what would my heroes do?

Bob Marley would rip a fatty J and play a show. (How about a cup of TheraFlu and solitary Ukulele jam for me maybe?)
Jim Morrison would take his shirt off and dance in a circle like a raven. (Shirt off yes, dance yes, folding clothes yes also)
Ken Kesey would drink some silly orange juice and paint his entire living room to resemble the moment the universe was born (I can't really come close on this one but sometimes thats how a shower feels after a long trip).
Jack Kerouac would drink a jug of port and spew intellectual bullshit to the stars before falling asleep, lips purple and alone. (No port, but I'm spewing enough bullshit on my blog to check this one off and I have chapped lips).
Michael Franti would probably do some yoga, inspire a nation of youth to change for the better and then have a vegan dinner. (Yoga check, inspiring youth check minus, vegan dinner not exactly sure what veggies made it through my vacay).
Xavier Rudd would take a walk through some wilderness and save a baby animal from certain peril. (I'm gonna walk fifty yards to my house and try not to kill anything in between).

Welcome Home I guess. Sheesh.


Anonymous said...

what about jimmy buffett?
Breathe in Breathe out move on...
Life is just a tire swing....
Go drink a few (oh thats right scratch that)...
breathe in breathe out move on...

we love you and miss you like crazy!
wicks crew

Syd said...

All you need after a strenuous day like this is a cup of that tea. It has serious super powers I’m telling you! I hope the rest of your week goes by without anymore hassle from the young whippersnappers.
“Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright” -Bob

to view my other blog OUT OF THE CLOSET ATHEIST click HERE