So my mom sent me an advent calendar, the problem is that I forgot to open it up for about 7 days. And now each day I just stare at it and it taunts me. I don't want to suddenly start opening all the cardboard doors and force myself to eat 8 semi palpable low grade chocolates. Then I think "what am I supposed to do, put myself on some sort of plan?" Like two a day till I'm all caught up? I can't throw them away, that would offend even the most ebenezer of scrooges. Or should I just wait till the day before I come back for Christmas break and eat them all in one sitting, melted chocolate fingers and beard, dripping with melted morsels as I sit, bloated against a wall crying with a mouth full of chocolate alone. I'm damned if I do damned if I don't.
TO THE HELL WITH YOU ADVENT CALENDAR! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH its too much pressure with your dates and record keeping and all the building excitement of working toward revealing the slightly larger 24th day santa chocolate what are you trying to do give me a heart palpitation anyway?!
In other rather drastically important news, thanks to pastor Nathan's recent trip to mainland, I now have acquired one quart of manila gold or "Egg Nog" as some have called it. This has single handedly transformed my attitude on life as it has become a coffee staple additive in my upwards of 5 cups a day and is responsible for transforming the normally shat tasting school brew into something nearing nirvana.
Still more fantastic news to report as I opened part of my Birthday package from mom and revealed three quart bags full of home made almond roca. After I cleaned up the mess I made when I crapped myself out of joy, I enjoyed me some of that roca-ecstasy. Almond roca is great because after you enjoy it initially you also get about 10 minutes of secondary enjoyment as the toffee stays stuck in your molars.
I hope that was as hilarious to you as it was to me. Have a good week.
Kaleskees.
3 comments:
That is so true about the toffee sticking in your teeth! It's nice to see the hilarity back in your posts. Hope you like your birthday present. Love, Mom
You could bribe the kids at school with the chocolates in the advent calendar. Bribery seemed to work well when you offered up your hair! :)
Give the extra chocolates as prizes to your students or put them in your coffeenog for an extra chocolate nirvana.. sounds weird. Usually the rule is I before E except after C or if it sounds like A, right? But weird has neither yet it is still spelt 'e' before 'i', thats just weird. Anyway off track, Advent calendars are great expressly because of those sub-par chocolate flavored wax molds for reasons I can't express in writing but what if we invented chocolate calendars for every month, this would not only save the economy but give bland months like September a little extra zip, I don't know, I tired.
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