Friday, January 18, 2008
What I'd like to talk about this Friday is a serious matter. Its a hard, sad, sobering moment in a person's life when you finally realize in your bones that you are a freaking stone cold nerd. You see, this week the screw that holds the right part of my glasses in place bent and got stripped. I am actually more blind than I used to be and I really need my glasses now. I would have got them fixed when I was home but they weren't broken then. So what does a person do in bush Alaska when their glasses break. WELL I'll tell you, you get some Manila masking tape and wrap it around the broken part of your glasses until it holds true. As I was carefully and seriously taping my glasses back together I had a cold shiver come across me. I knew right then and there that I had stepped over a threshold. At that precise moment I metamorphosized out of my chrysalis cocoon of simple science dorkitude into a hole new level of social awkwardness. I emerged and spread my wings a beautiful nerd butterfly. At that moment I put on a new coat, the coat of nerd. I am a nerd now, there is no turning back.
After a few days with my taped glasses I can say that they fit me. You really have to see me with my overalls, beard, long hair and taped glasses. I mean, luckily most the people in this state put their personal appearance on the back burner. Its not a Dis to say that Alaskan people are slightly less well kept than in the lower 48. Its just not important to look dapper or chic when its - 30 deg. F outside. Its not that important that I look like a nerd because I'd rather see. I think this phenomenon holds true and could even become a stereotype. I even see it in the newscasters on television. Some of the newscasters would never be on tv in California or New York because they looked like a donkey may or may not have kicked them in the face. Its just not important. I don't care what people look like up here.
Here are some Alaska observations about appearance:
In general, People are scraggly.
Velcro shoes are in.
Sweatpants are acceptable day wear.
Carhart rules supreme.
Hooded sweatshirt=collared shirt
White bunny boots=the newest nikes
Its okay to wear whole animal carcasses
Crocs will never see the light of day.
Layers are in again, as if it was early 90's grunge era all over
If a shirt has a wild animal printed on it then you are looking good
Don't worry about that mustard stain, no one else does.
A line from a Jimmy Buffet song always pops into my mind, "The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful." Well you know what Alaska? You are beautiful, and you rock those snow pants like you were in Paris on a runway.