Thursday, December 13, 2007
Orbitals are the explanation. I'll be home in Washington very soon now (hopefully) and I'm growing more and more anxious about the entire experience. There have been a few times in my life where I have cleared the board of orbitals. Right before you go to college you are a senior in your hometown and you have so many people flying around your life like electrons sharing energy with you in an elemental dance. Then you get to college and you clear the board. You start off picking up a friend, a girl friend and many other relationships. Soon you are once again swarming with orbitals of energy filled relationships. Exponentially your orbitals are now more complex and more intense. Then I moved to Australia for half a year and cleared all the orbitals again. I had to start from scratch, those orbitals that needed the most energy were seemingly far away but still connected. When I returned I brought new orbitals home, reestablished important orbitals again and picked up more exponentially. Then I graduated, moved home, wiped the orbitals clean again. Got a job, went back to school, made more friends, and relationships and eventually the orbitals were once again flying around me. I was sharing energy with what seemed like hundreds of people. Family, Students, friends, colleagues, co workers, the orbitals each pulling and sharing the energy at my core. If you don't have enough to give, or you haven't built up enough then you can be sucked dry. Possibly this is why I keep going away. I feel like it is my internal proton heart telling me I need to clear the orbitals and try to find a bigger energy source to accomodate more intense rounds of increasing orbitals. Well I can feel the orbitals picking up again.
But now I have the power. I am so filled with vibration and energy and warmth that all I can do is hope that people share theirs with me so that we can build more. I don't want to be sucked dry, I don't think I can be anymore. I am clear, alert, and coherent. What worries me about coming home is that all this energy will not find a connection because of time. I am scared that you awesome orbitals that orbit me and me an orbital myself orbiting the awesome element of you will find a way to connect amongst the challenges of time. I want to share time with everyone but not at the expense of everyone getting less of me. This is what makes me anxious as I am ready to come home.