Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Neutron Days and Gnome Life Calculators

In an atom there are positively charged protons in the nucleus, there are equally charged negative electrons flying around the nucleus, and sitting like a fat lard in the middle not doing much of anything are the neutrons, neutral in charge, just heavy and lazy (probably from trying to teach other particles all day).

Well today was one of those neutron days where all the positive things that happened combined with exactly the same amount of negative things came together to leave me feeling exhausted, neutral and confused.

You see, I have this little voice in the back of my head, nay, on my shoulder. I like to think of it as a rational voice, a voice of reason, mathematics, and logic. This little voice (think of a little kale in a felt gnome suit sitting on my shoulder whispering into my ear through the use of a tiny little mega phone) asks me the same question:

Was today a good enough day to want to stay?

Every day I answer my little voice. "Today was a _________ day, I think I should _________ back next year."

Sometimes its a good day and I want to come back and in fact couldn't imagine a different life because I love it here. And some days its a bad day and I don't want to come back ever and I can't imagine another painstaking year of this BS.
And some days are like today, neutron days, where all I can really say is:

"Today was simply, A DAY, with this pounding inter cranial head death ache I can't even think (especially with the steady beat of the native drumming in the next class over), let alone think about the future."

The little gnome on my shoulder also keeps tallies of how many good ones there are, and how many bad ones, the little gnome also cross references those numbers with past experiences in teaching, makes predictions about possible outcomes of this answer in other locations with other students and communities and then makes a momentary and simple decision (he's a gnome on my shoulder in a accountant suit with a desk and a phone and a computer). With his decision he places a single stone on either side of a balance sitting on his desk. One side is clearly marked GO and the other is STAY. Every day a stone is placed, every day the balance receives another piece of data. Every day the results become clearer, more tilted. I'm glad I have a little gnome life calculator to sort this ludicrous world out for me.

"But Its the adventure of a life time!" They say.
"I would give anything to be in your shoes." Others say.
"Stop complaining man! You're free." Someone once said.

Well if YOU were ME then I'd be YOU! or at least someone else, and YOU'd be sitting in an uncomfortable chair at a messy desk in a cold florescent lit room in a shrinking school on an island in the Bering Sea with non rhythmic drumming and indiscernible lyrics pounding into your inner cerebrum from the next room over as you contemplate the meaning behind it all. If YOU were smart you'd go far a 4-wheeler ride, get the puppy up to about 50 mph so that way when your eyes start watering from the cold air rushing passed them it will effectively hide the all the tears...awww.

Just joking, but seriously, what a day.

Yoga went well, 3 people came, a student, a graduated sister, and the wife of a colleague. What a spread of people it was great. We are meeting again tomorrow night. I'm gonna lift weights again tonight, make a good dinner, try to write and record some music, and or work on some homework or my Possibilities Board.

Here are some clues for the Possibility Board.

Some of them are more blatant that others.

Can you guess what these might possibly mean?

2 comments:

ms. cugno to some said...

I know what all of them mean. I think they're mostly all pretty great... Don't forget to insert a tropical paradise as a Possibility too...

Randall said...

I recognized two of the four. (In the deepest parts of my being I suppose I am still just a sheltered, ignorant child from Eastern Washington.) But I don't mind telling you that when I clicked on the picture of a (to me) nondescript town I was surprised to learn that it is the town I now inhabit. E-tards don't smile this big. This may sound gay, but live with me dammit!

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