Well, I am in my old stomping grounds of Pullman Washington at WSU for a couple of weeks. I frequented all my old local establishments and realized there is no one left that I know. That is a weird feeling, to know how college is truly a place of dynamic change, and switching of people. A few townies still exist but not a single "friend" that stayed. The structures are the same, the buildings, houses, apartment complexes, but the people are different, younger, and this is important.
Its been a year and half since I set foot in this town (maybe longer). When I left I kind of felt like saying "Go Fuck Yourself" to this place (school is out I'm gonna swear a little more...sorry deal with it). Pullman wore me out, tired my soul. I left battered and bruised and heartless. It took me a long time to gain back what this place took away. And now I'm back here after all this time, sitting in my favorite chair at my favorite coffee shop, typing on my laptop and it is for pleasure and reflection, not for class, it is a symbol of how everything is different now.
I'm here, I'm back in town, I'm old comparatively to all these fresh faced young bucks and lassies, but I feel young. I looked at myself in the mirror today, and I felt good about me. Not in a "I think I'm good looking" way, but just that I appreciate how I'm getting older, I like my wrinkles and my style and I like being me. I don't want to be anyone else. I can honestly say that the last time I was in this town that wasn't the case. So that is something important I think.
On to other notes, It is sooooooo nice to have no job. I mean, never in my entire life have I just been able to do whatever I want. This certainly is the first real vacation from responsibility I've had in my entire life. Its really a quite incredible feeling. When I lived in Australia it was similar, but I was broke all the time. But now, To have the funds, the time, the peace of mind to simply pursue things that make me happy. I think I know why it might be nice to be rich someday. Not having anything that you are required to do is addicting. Its like "What do I want to do today? Hmmm I want to go to a movie, or I want to go fishing, or I want to go to a coffee shop and blog about how I have nothing to do" and then you just freaking do it. Awesome, simply awesome. But, you know what? I paid for this right, I paid dearly. An entire winter, isolated and alone, working my ass off for a bunch of people who don't even necessarily like me or want me there, going home every night to cook for myself alone and cry myself to sleep in an empty bed (hehehe so dramatic) but seriously, I paid for this shit. Thats why I'm going back up to the AK for another year. If you want to have 3 months of unedited leisure and pursuit of relaxation then you have to work for it, you gotta pay your dues and sing your blues if you wanna get into a situation like this.
So The rest of the week. I'm helping my brother move into his new spot, going fishing, strolling leisurely through the streets of my youth, and right now, on the stereo at the Daily Grind coffee shop "FREEBIRD" is playing, Jesus, it couldn't be more fitting if it tried.