Monday, March 3, 2008


Well, Well, Well. The time has come. A face off of two opposing, yet coexisting entities. In one corner wearing the Carhart overalls and moccasins, me, in the other corner wearing a tie die shirt and tevas, Trustafarians.
See the whole point of this Reader's Choice Topic is to point out that these unfortunate creatures exist. To truly understand a trustafarian we must understand some other terms for nefarious social groups as to not confuse them.
Hippies: Real people that lived in the cultural revolution of the late sixties and early seventies that opposed the Vietnam War, proposed free love and commonly but not always partook in psychoactive drug use.
Bohemians: People with unconventional social habits often self employed as writers, musicians and artists.
Beats: Poets, Philosophers and madmen admirers of free jazz and free verse poetry, expanded the genres of American prose and social norms.
Gypsies- Mysterious possibly mystical people that move around seasonally for employment and are often mistrusted by the general public for their perceived poor business dealings and suspicious appearance.
Stoner/Pothead- A person who's life revolves around the inhalation of a psychoactive drug marijuana.
Yuppies- Origin in the 80's from Young Urban Professionals that live in the upper middle class of America, drink lattes, and enjoy the luxuries of life.
Trust Fund Babies- Sons and Daughters of wealthy elite that have been left large sums of money to do with whatever they please, and may or may not ever be employed.
Rastafarians- Members of a Jamaican religious/social movement stating that blacks are the chosen ones and will return to Africa someday.

TRUSTAFARIAN- A stupid trust fund kid that uses their money to finance a hippie and bohemian like appearance and lifestyle (often using cliche stylistic fads and phrases), attend counter cultural events such as Music Festivals, Concerts, Hempfests, and Beer Gardens, and supply their drug abuse habit of Pot, Shrooms, LSD, Ecstasy and other mind altering substances then retreats to the safety of their yuppie lifestyle.
Now that those are laid out there for everybody, lets dissect the topic. You see Trustafarians in their origin are pretty nasty little buggers. The reason being that they take a grassroots, semi organic, amaterialistic, non commercial culture and infiltrate it with their financial prowess and drive for acceptance.
Trustafarians probably began when rich kids finally realized that the real world was happening somewhere else. So they packed up their bags, went to a bead shop or a head shop bought the necessary attire, bought the necessary vehicle, and started touring with Dave Matthews Band, PHISH, or String Cheese Incident. The longer they infiltrated this culture the more lingo, band knowledge, clothing, piercings, tatoos, jewelry and dreadlocks they attain. They may also continue their exploration of popular counter-culture drugs, often leading to excess and addiction. At Any time they may have to clean up their act if the fun becomes too noticeable to their real lives.
What I'm saying here might seem a little harsh. Just because you got a little cash and like to wear tie die doesn't mean your a Trustafarian. What you do with your life outside of "hippie" functions is really what defines a Trustafarian. Trustafarians don't help the world really. When the rest of the real hippies, bohemians and organic children of the earth go home to their co-ops, farms, markets, record shops, soup kitchens, studios, aid work, islands in the Bering Sea, River Rafting Guide companies, other various good occupations and so on a Trustafarian will hop into his brand new BMW x5 and drive off into the gold plated sunset back to the warm platinum bosom of their gated communities and desk jobs. Trustafarians don't help! They just enjoy the benefits and don't give back. They just come to wear the clothes, hear the music, smoke the pot, and be different from their friends. They aren't there to further the movement.
You can pick em out a mile away too. They're usually the ones way too wasted, dancing like idiots, wearing waaaaaaay to much tie die or brand new band t-shirts, and having perfect salon teased dreadlocks. Many Trustas often have orbitals of fraternity jerks and sorority bimbos nearby at their 'first' festival. When in this state the Trustafarian is vulnerable. The Trustafarian, with its mental guard lowered, may reveal there true identity. They may have a nervous breakdown, lose their cell phone and freak out, answer a cell phone in the middle of the show and say "DUDE, I'm so wasted right now," miss pronounce the band's name, or simply hang onto you like an annoying trusta fly. Trustas may also be over intense about everything, or snobbish about dirt, smells, or people dancing.
Now, we are all guilty of wanting to be cool in our life sometime but there is a big difference between being a little cliche/sellout and being a Trusta. Here's how you can distinguish between a real hippie/bohemian/boddhisattva/beautiful soul of the earth and a stinkin' Trustafarian Tool. Its a really easy identifying sign once you learn how to use it. Here it goes:
ITS VERY SIMPLE: Real hippies glow. What? Yep, they do. It isn't a title, it isn't a clothing style, it isn't a type of music, it isn't a hairdo, it isn't a drug trip or a diet, it is simply a person truly letting their own personality in all its quirkiness show through their love for earth, life, love and music. If a person is hiding something they don't shine, they stink. To the trained Trusta hunter the stench is overwhelming. Basically be yourself, follow your heart, wear what you love, listen to what you like, don't abuse drugs and alcohol, love nature because it deserves it not because its trendy, and don't over do it.
The whole point of the hippie music festival experience is that it is an opportunity for people to come lets their hearts loose, get their toes in the grass and dirt, get their bodies moving, breath the night air to some good ol' fashioned dancin' music, and re affirm the fact that there are good people in the world. This is something we've been doing as a species since the prehistoric caveman days. Man needs to dance around a lit object under the stars! It is part of us, we must do it, if you deny it you will deny the very essence of our existence, the one thing that separates us from every other animal, tamed fire, throbbing music, and consciousness under the stars. This must be done to preserve this form of human expression and enlightenment.
Trustafarians, Tools, Posers, Squares, and The Man have been giving the counter culture a bad name for a long time. I don't hate Trustas because they're rich, I get annoyed at them because they aren't themselves. If you're rich, be a cool rich person, not wolf in tie died clothing. I don't care what you look like or what you do as long as you're yourself and a good person.

I also realize many of the hypocritical comments that I've made in this rant, but there is one major difference between me and a Trusta, I'm not, and have never been so rich that I never have to work again, or hardly at all. Hard Work is something a Trusta may never know in their entire life. They haven't earned that tie die baby!

Can you pick out the Trustafarian in the crowd? There's a couple actually.


Hal said...

I could only identify the most obvious one in the final picture, the guy in the center with the obviously store-bought tie-dye draped over his head revealing his Abercrombie cargo shorts and Teva's. Kale, I think we both hold the same opinion of "Teva people"

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should stand at the gate of all your festivals this summer to inspect possible intruders, judging the hearts of anyone who is not appropriately grungy enough or maybe is too hippie-trendy to enter, and might be looking for a new experience. Because they definitely shouldn’t be allowed, since you would be distracted from your Heart-Loose dancing and genuine appreciation of music, you who actually have earned the right to be there. Damn it’s a good thing you added that hypocritical disclaimer at the end.

Mr. Kale Iverson said...

That was rough, whew, I wasn't saying I'm the perfect hippie, far from it, jeez lou eaze. I think you might have missed the point, and also, have you ever encountered a true trustafarian? they're atrocious, if you had then you'd know what I was talking about. Besides I also said that it wasn't about the clothes, which you missed, its about the demeanor and reason for being there, they get in whether I monitor it or not, they have the opportunity to be cool but squander it. The Trusta only reveals themselves once the festivities begin. Thanks for the comment...I guess. Its Radiate Warmth not Radiate Venom, and you can identify yourself, no one will judge you here. I'm out on a limb writing about stuff that people elect. You can at least identify yourself.

Mr. Kale Iverson said...

Actually this whole topic is negative, I think I'm going to erase it if things don't improve.

Anonymous said...

I always enjoy your perspective on things, especially in these reader's choice writings. I hope you don't get discouraged.

kmc said...

oo that was a bit venomous. I mean really, aren't we all hypocrites anyway? Chalk this one up to free speech and move on.

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