I used to think it was the bad you have done that paves your way in the end.
But more than that it is the good you could have done and you did something else instead.
-Yonder Mountain String Band "I Finally Saw the Light"
Well, I'm back folks. I had patch there. I can't lie. My bubble burst. The pink cloud I was riding around on dissipated. I don't know what it was but I came full circle somewhere there. This experience got to me. I figured it out. The kids are like goldfish. A goldfish doesn't know any better. If you keep feeding it, it will eat until it bloats itself and dies. These kids, all students really, even just humans in general, are goldfish for energy. As long as you have an endless supply, they will keep sucking you dry. And that was fine for a while, I had lots to give. But what happens when you are running low yourself? They keep sucking. Like a little puppy on the mommas teet. They suck you dry. Sometimes they build you up, that is the ultimate goal at least, to create a classroom where students and teachers work together to build energy, a positive vibration that can support those with excess and those with a deficit. But, when you become the sole provider of energy, and you have none to give, the mechanism destructs. I responded to this in a snappy, naggy, worn out, burnt out teacher way. I started to sound like my teachers growing up. That depressed me, and compounded the problem. I felt like I was right then and there becoming the inevitable old, crunchy, out of touch teacher.
But no. I rode the ebb and tide. I felt that whole path out and it is not an option. I'm not giving up that easy. You have to RADIATE WARMTH always, but I learned you can't just give it away. Good will receive yes, but so will evil, and now your energy is supplying both. Therefore I'm making an addendum to the philosophy. Radiate Warmth Carefully. Look for outlets where you can build Warmth. Use that construction to supply another in need. Months ago I thought that haphazzardly squirting the love and warmth around would solve problems. But you can't control how people use your energy that way. You might be feeding a monster. Even though I want to fill my heart with so much love that it explodes like a water grenade all over everyone it can't be that way always. You have to have garden hose of love. Dowse people that are in the water fight, and if you see someone that is sitting on a lawn chair looking like prude squirt a little on em, see how they react. But don't be that guy who wipes out an entire crowd of blue haired old ladies with a irresponsible water prank of love. Otherwise you will enrage a sleeping giant.
Needless to say, I think I'm back. I think I survived this round of life trying to pull me down into the depths of inaction, apathy and compassionless existence and depression. Life tests you constantly. It wants to see if you've been training or arm chair quarterbacking. Every time I pull out of these stretches I learn something. Like when you body keeps a file of all the colds you've ever had, it has an antibody for that sickness, my mind has an antibody for this type of sadness. My mind is healing. My body too. I will Radiate Warmth, but I have an edge now. So can you.