Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Mental Antibody

I used to think it was the bad you have done that paves your way in the end.
But more than that it is the good you could have done and you did something else instead.

-Yonder Mountain String Band "I Finally Saw the Light"

Well, I'm back folks. I had patch there. I can't lie. My bubble burst. The pink cloud I was riding around on dissipated. I don't know what it was but I came full circle somewhere there. This experience got to me. I figured it out. The kids are like goldfish. A goldfish doesn't know any better. If you keep feeding it, it will eat until it bloats itself and dies. These kids, all students really, even just humans in general, are goldfish for energy. As long as you have an endless supply, they will keep sucking you dry. And that was fine for a while, I had lots to give. But what happens when you are running low yourself? They keep sucking. Like a little puppy on the mommas teet. They suck you dry. Sometimes they build you up, that is the ultimate goal at least, to create a classroom where students and teachers work together to build energy, a positive vibration that can support those with excess and those with a deficit. But, when you become the sole provider of energy, and you have none to give, the mechanism destructs. I responded to this in a snappy, naggy, worn out, burnt out teacher way. I started to sound like my teachers growing up. That depressed me, and compounded the problem. I felt like I was right then and there becoming the inevitable old, crunchy, out of touch teacher.

But no. I rode the ebb and tide. I felt that whole path out and it is not an option. I'm not giving up that easy. You have to RADIATE WARMTH always, but I learned you can't just give it away. Good will receive yes, but so will evil, and now your energy is supplying both. Therefore I'm making an addendum to the philosophy. Radiate Warmth Carefully. Look for outlets where you can build Warmth. Use that construction to supply another in need. Months ago I thought that haphazzardly squirting the love and warmth around would solve problems. But you can't control how people use your energy that way. You might be feeding a monster. Even though I want to fill my heart with so much love that it explodes like a water grenade all over everyone it can't be that way always. You have to have garden hose of love. Dowse people that are in the water fight, and if you see someone that is sitting on a lawn chair looking like prude squirt a little on em, see how they react. But don't be that guy who wipes out an entire crowd of blue haired old ladies with a irresponsible water prank of love. Otherwise you will enrage a sleeping giant.

Needless to say, I think I'm back. I think I survived this round of life trying to pull me down into the depths of inaction, apathy and compassionless existence and depression. Life tests you constantly. It wants to see if you've been training or arm chair quarterbacking. Every time I pull out of these stretches I learn something. Like when you body keeps a file of all the colds you've ever had, it has an antibody for that sickness, my mind has an antibody for this type of sadness. My mind is healing. My body too. I will Radiate Warmth, but I have an edge now. So can you.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kale is back, not that he ever left. Everything you say and do hits a chord somewhere but always with me, your biggest fan! Love, Mom

Big Baller Woolf said...

I think that you learned a very powerful lesson about life. Prudence and purpose are very important to our collective existence. You want to make informed decisions and not blind judgments; allow everyone to be who they are and encourage them as best you can to the best they can be!

My most recent "big realization" was that there are infinite possibilities in the world, but that until you make a choice, you have no possibilities. I want to help people understand this concept by understanding the importance of making choices and not just making choices, but making the right choices. Unless you are living purposefully, you are not achieving your potential. And living purposefully almost always involves understanding your relationships with other people. By knowing that you live in your own subjective reality, which is interrelated to everyone else's subjective reality, you will inevitably impact their lives with every decision that you make. Therefore, your choices must involve an understanding of the impact that you are having on other human beings and the natural world. You must be conscious of this impact as you pursue your goals, visions, and dreams. To that end, it seems that no matter where I travel (as I currently drive across the country), people are interested in change and transformation, but have no idea how to go about this transformation or fear it. And what do I want to do? I want to support them to change their lives for the better and discover how to make choices and how to live in a world of abundant possibilities. We can all change our realities, change this world, and change our realities to help make the world a better place!

I am looking forward to keeping tabs on your journey. Thanks for writing.

All the best,

Max

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