Saturday, January 5, 2008

And I return

As I busted into my building, hands frozen and curled, toes like ice blocks, thankful to be alive, I dropped my snow covered bags in my cluttered living room happy to be out of the dark - 20 deg. F arctic death wind. I immediately had to get all my cold clothes off. I turned the heat up and put on a teapot of water. I put on all new warm clothes, hooked up my laptop to my speakers, only one man for the job, ol' Tom Waites. When you warm someone up from hypothermia you got to do it slowly, same as when you warm up a heart and Tom got a sound that is just slightly warmer than frozen. Best not rush back into things.
With my tea, warm clothes and newly bought incense burning I finally sit down at this oval kitchen table to write to you my friends. I may have lost you for a while. I was lost myself. You crazy civilized people really gave me a run for my money.

So I learned a lot about life on this trip home to Washington. Unfortunately a lot of the things I learned involve people near and dear to me, people who read this blog, people who do not, but in general I will have to share my lessons carefully.

I have been calling this blog "Radiate Warmth" since it began. When I left for Washington only a couple of short weeks ago I was so excited to take my new way of existing back to the "Real World" and test it out like a brand new remote control race car. I thought all the positivity and clarity and centeredness (not a word) that I had gained would be enough to propel me through the holiday stress, the drama, the old habits and ways, and the endless bombardment of time lost. Not only that, I thought that I had built up so much positivity and energy that I would be able to freely share it with everyone. I was so naive to think that I might even be able to help people. Sadly, I was sorely mistaken. It took less than a couple of days to slide uncomfortably into the old way of doing things, the frantic desperation of trying too hard to make memories, the old way of reacting and thinking and feeling.

The trip wasn't a complete failure. I made intense connections with several important people. I realized there are a lot of people I love in Washington. Christmas, in all its colorful commercial glory, was a beautiful two day affair. Seeing family and relatives has a way of reminding you that you come from somewhere. I was lucky enough to spend time with my grandparents on Christmas day as I have for 19 of the last 20 years of my life. They center me.

I got to see friends. I got to talk! I mean talk like a normal person. After getting the customary impossible explanation of this experience out of the way, I was able to converse with people. This is by far the one thing I miss the most about Washington people, talking. Here there is so little talking.

I danced. I danced so hard. I saw Flowmotion on New Years Eve and they were incredible. The group of friends that I went with was amazing. New Years Eve was the highlight of the trip. It was free, flawless, hilarious and possibly the happiest moment of the experience. I need music in my life more than I ever realized.

As time wound down so did my frantic search for meaning. Several people helped me see the way. I miss my brother, he is growing up so fast. I miss my friends, they are on their own paths now. I want to thank so many people by name but I won't. All I can say is that I was loved and it saved me (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE).

I gained new material for music. There are only so many songs you can sing about being alone in an Eskimo village on an island in the Bering Sea. After I gain feeling back in my toes I will start writing new music right away.

I thought about teaching too much. My mom said my face lights up when I talk about my students which reminds me how much I care about them. I have a mission to complete here. I will probably write a lot this week so I hope you have been missing it cuz I feel like I can think clearly again. Just a simple bush plane brush with death, some frozen fingers and toes and some tea have restored me to sanity.

Here is a list of people I would like to thank:
My Mom: Making a house a home and all the fried egg sandwiches
My brother: I will beat you at bowling someday (Loud inappropriate sigh during backswing)
My Dad: Enduring the near death brush with the flu
Katie: Simply being your beautiful self.
Will and Kary(sp?): Letting me sleep on your floor twice
Brett Ortgeisen: Being my life nemesis and companion
Randall: Your facial expressions saved my life, Olympia will be ours.
Suzye: Standing up the whole Flomo show nice work.
Sydney: Reminding me of the wonder of youth
Lindsey, Naomi, James and even Zachy: for an awesome birthday party
Uncle Barry: The coolest journal I ever got.
The BU Crew: You guys are nuts
Leslie: Sweet hat!! but it broke already, do you do repairs?
Ryan: You are an awesome personal secretary

I'll write the weekly update tomorrow. I'm back safe and sound, goodnight sweet dreams.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This New Years was my favorite so far, so much fun! This is going to be the BEST 2008 ever! too bad about the hat...how did it break? Maybe you'll be getting a new one in the mail soon...Hal and I have been cross country skiing up a storm down here (until the snow melted)...if anyone has a set of skis up there, I suggest you give it a try.
peace,
Les

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