As I stare at these big mountains in the Anchorage terminal, I can't help but think of August 8th. Was it only so long ago. Man time flies. By no means am I a salty Alaskan veteran yet, but I feel like I've changed a lot since I moved here. I have found an internal strength I've always had but never have realized. I don't know why it took 5 months in an Eskimo village in the Bering Sea to make me realize that I'm a good person and I'm proud of myself. This is a beautiful life we live. Its tragic, joyous, and simply wonderful.
I can't express how many times in the last month I've simply laughed and said, "Is this really happening? Is this really my life? Is that really a Musk Ox in front of me? Did I really just catch that big of a trout? Did I really just get shoved over a desk by a student? Is that sunset real?" I can't recount the times that I sat alone with myself at night talking to inanimate objects, drawing and playing instruments. It has been an odd half a year. I have learned that I am weirder than I thought I was. I have learned I would rather be weird than normal. I have learned that I am ok. I mean in life, I'm alright. That wasn't always the case. I learned I want to help people. I want to heal people. I don't know how or why yet but I know that when I am working with others trying to make the situation better I am not caught up in myself.
I have learned that I am powerful. I have learned that there is a greater awakening happening in life. They call us the "Me" generation. I think that the greatest challenge will be to break that me attitude. But, if I'm generationally predisposed to thinking only of myself I have at least realized that what MYSELF wants is to help others. I have learned to see the energy of life. I have learned the effect of positivity and love on others. Now that I know I can never go back. Smiling, laughing, loving, hugging, genuine concern for others and consideration are more important than anything to my own survival. Negativity is an infection. It will take you over. Unfortunately, no vacation, new car, promotion or smaller waste line is going to do it for you. It has to come from within. It has to radiate from you. You have to tune into the frequency and flow of life and tap into something bigger. It could be God if thats your thing, it could be fitness, it could be music, it could be sunsets, it could be your kids, but it has to be something. You need to find that energy that sustains you past others clouds of bullshit. You need to find so much love and positivity that you can redirect others attitudes, be they good bad or indifferent, toward a better path with a simple smile or gesture. I feel like I am starting to channel something. The ability to blast people with joy beams and love. Now that I have learned this I have my first big test, to see if it will hold up back in the "Old Life." Everytime you go away you come back this new creature almost forced to put on an old suit. Sometimes the old suit doesn't fit so well. I don't want to put the old suit back on, I want to like take the old suit, cut some of the fabric out and make a whole new amazing technicolor suit with my new fabric. This, of course, takes time and may difficult. But, I am determined. I am not out to prove anything to anyone. I just want to be a fireplace of a person for people to warm themselves upon this season. I want to the glowing light of happiness that shows people it is possible. In the immortal words of James Brown, "I Feel GOOD, and I knew that I would!"