Overalls Thursday

I'm wearing overalls a day early this week. Tomorrow I will be wearing regular pants covered with snow-pants as I hope to embark after school gets out (half day oh yeah!). Weather appears to be okay outside and we just got a plane a couple of minutes ago, if things stay the same I should be a go Ghostrider your pattern is clear for take off. Request for fly by approved.

I called the bush plane service and they forgot to put my reservation down when I called it in last month, so good thing I checked right, gotta love that Alaskan sense of a job done right. I will probably get stuck in Bethel tomorrow but thats ok, off the island is the goal. I have a floor to sleep on and friends to relax with so it should be just fine.

We had our Christmas program today also, I showed a slide show movie with music and all the photos from the JH and High School this year, it was funny and well received by all. As I sat in the gym, off to the side, just diggin the whole spectacle, I noticed how all the white teachers subconsciously gravitated toward one another while all the local teachers sat amongst each other and the community, and as the local Mekoryuk residents watched their beautiful children sing holiday songs, (concentrating so hard) dance and play out funny Christmas skits in Cup'ig I had a great flood of emotion about how separate I felt come over me. Instead of feeling connected and warm inside I just felt so separate and lonely. I can't really describe it, I was smiling from the sort of after school special feel of it all and I wasn't angry or depressed with the people here, I just had a moment in the middle of all the singing and dancing when I felt so far away and removed an inorganic. Even when they called my name out in Cup'ig "Massuucikili! Massuucikili! Come here!" it didn't feel real. I've tried so hard the last year to get the nice people here to accept me, trying to be this calm, peaceful, warm person all the time (even when I'm burning up with emotion inside ), that I don't really know who I am anymore.

Luckily I have a home for that. I get to go my home tomorrow, weather willing, where I can be with my people, sing my songs, and do my cultural thing, and I can't wait to just be myself.

I will report when I arrive safely, until then, have a merry merry merry christmas season and I hope to talk with you all real soon.