I made it, I'm safe, I'm in Bethel. I don't really want to talk about Bethel just yet. I want to talk about a phenomenon that I have named "Phantom Puddles." This little buggers are evil. I would like to re live a horrible encounter with a phantom puddle I had on Tuesday right before I left for Bethel. A Phantom Puddle come about after a puddle suddenly freezes solid from a quick snap in arctic temperature. Not only does a puddle need to freeze it needs to be covered with just enough fresh snow (1/2 inch or more) to hide its eminent doom. Then as you walk onto it (like me exiting the post office happy as a clam) you slip. Now if you are like me you can't just fall, you have to fight it and in doing so enact an entire seen from a disney movie involving Goofy where you run in place super fast for a split second then fly feet first up in the air. As I stared at my legs now floating in slowmotion above me, clouds grey in the background, I almost chuckled inside that super slow moment, I chuckled a little because even in such a fraction of a second I had as I flew through the air above the Phantom Puddle I had the time to think man I hope someone is getting this on tape. The slow motion came to a crashing stop as my elbows, shoulder blades and back hit the rock hard ice. Then my neck snapped back and my head hit the ice. As this happened my glasses fell off and I watched them spin across the Phantom Puddle from my upside down perspective. I lay there for a second in a cold heap and thought about whether or not I was going to whimper, I wanted to but I thought I might get teased by an old Eskimo woman if she should hear walking by. There was no one. I got up and then the throbbing pain hit. I picked up my glasses, (This always makes me feel like a dork) and brushed the snow off of my back. I limped back to school with my shoulders, elbows, back, neck and general overall form in a crumpled painful posture.
So the next day as I sit at a table writing about it, a stiff neck, soar body, and painful day of sitting in chairs, I beg you to please share any stories that involve ice, you, your ass, and the ground making intimate, violent contact to try and make me feel like I am not a complete dork and clutz. If you don't want to share at least know that if you laughed at this story, YOU ARE NEXT!
I'll be in Bethel all week, avoiding Phantoms, I have internet access so say hello!